Saturday, October 10, 2009

New Summer Whispers to Old Winter

This week's readwritepoem prompt asked us to take two poems we weren't entirely happy with and have them "talk" to each other. I decided to take my "Dirty Snow Berms" poem and "Summer's Seduction" (both available in their original forms under the tag "Seasons" on the blog) and have them talk to each other. I'm not sure about the result, so I will be revisiting this one...

Only the evergreens
Can defy the cold
But summer’s seduction
Makes it easy to forget
While berms down below
Contain all the excess
Hear the breeze whisper
You are safe you are warm
Belched from our cars
And kicked up from our tires
No need to remember
The sting of biting ice
My feet are embedded
In a late winter scab
Come, walk tender feet
On warm carpets of grass
And if I pick at it
It only spreads more
The sky is your ceiling
No need for shelter
And encrusts my bad habits
In crunchy crystals
Walk unafraid
It’s time to forget
I’m too tired to climb
Over icy blockades
The cold will never again
Split your tired skin
Who is my neighbor?
Where is my river?
See waters tumble
And flowers dance.
Above me the sky
Is clueless with clouds
Let the warmth lift you
From east to west
But down here I hunch
And shuffle and slide


  1. I really like the way you've combined the two pieces here. The effect is to nicely divert attention at just the right moment in each so that there is a feeling of suspension in both idea and sound. I love the two questions:
    "Who is my neighbor?/ Where is my river?".

  2. Lovely work Erin. As we go into Winter, I am remembering the ice and snow :-).

  3. You did very well here. The two piece were combines in the perfect way to complement each other and still be enjoyable to read, which a lot of the "mashing" is not, to me. Good job!

  4. This works so well, it's a little like a lullabye

  5. It is so very seamless..

    Wonderful work!