This week's readwritepoem prompt gave us a group of words from William Stafford's "An Oregon Message." I've included Stafford's words in bold...
She— pierced her navel
With your neglect
Stared at it til she saw stars
Cracked her shell
On your stiff backs
Then moved like meteors
Off your radar screen
And curled herself, safer,
Into an abiding moon
With your neglect
Stared at it til she saw stars
Cracked her shell
On your stiff backs
Then moved like meteors
Off your radar screen
And curled herself, safer,
Into an abiding moon
I enjoyed your poem. It is a reminder of how sad we feel when we are neglected and not nurtured. I like the line, "and curled herself safer,".
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this, Erin.
I like the brevity and power of this. "She pierced her navel with your neglect" and "curled herself safer into an abiding moon" are such beautiful lines and perfect contrasts for beginning and ending.
ReplyDeleteI'm posting poem drafts on a new password protected blog: www.poems.elizabethenslin.com
Feel free to email me if you'd like the password.
Almost mythic in a sense, as how the moon became a moon. But just one possible way to read this so so compact and well written poem.
ReplyDeleteGlad you made it over to this side of the fence with your post! Nice work Erin.
short and sweet...nicely done
ReplyDeleteThis has an edge I like. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh, I like this! Especially the last two lines. Well done, Erin.
ReplyDeleteI like the suggestion under the words here that the moon's barren, though still beautiful "world" is what our own neglected world will be like if we're not more caring.
ReplyDeleteHi Erin,
ReplyDeleteYes, there's a lot of neglect going around and your last two lines sound like a nicer place to be.
from Therese L. Broderick -- what a great image opening the poem! I admire how many wordle words you use in so few short lines. I think that, per line, you have the highest concentration of wordle words!
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